Bringing up children is not simple. From the moment the midwife cuts the cord, a mothers task is to nurture and cherish, to shelter and protect. Even as she does so she must teach the child to leave her. Train it to let go of her hand, first to walk unaided. And then, to walk away. But there is a cord that nothing can severe - that invisible bond that ties a mother to her infant which endures when the child is a child no more.
-Jennifer Worth, Midwife
No truer words about a mother and her duties have ever been written.
But this is the romanticized version of being a mom. Now let’s get real.
Have you ever felt (as a mother) that you’ve just about had it? At some point in the day you’ve worn every bodily fluid there is, from spit-up and tears to poop and pee. Your hair’s been pulled, intelligent conversation and sleep have become luxuries other people have, and as you fantasize about a glorious shower some more spit up comes flying your way. All this, and that bundle is less than six months old!
Next the terrible two’s ensue as your trying to keep up with your little one. You’re overwhelmed by the latest child rearing information, the ease of life other mom’s are (falsely) portraying, and the many annoying texts from your mother-in-law who apparently knows it all. With the sparse amount of emotional strength left in your tank, you try to not use the no word too much because if you do, you will surely hear it back out of that little babes mouth in a couple of weeks (no doubt at a time when your mother-in-law is visiting).
Life continues and you stumble through the toddler years, tweens, teens, and twenties. Will it end? Nope, it won’t! It never changes, but it doesn’t stay the same. You will trade out nights of no sleep for sleepless nights waiting for your teenager to get home. Instead of learning the latest child rearing information, you’ll be trying to learn the latest dance moves on TikTok in a never ending attempt to stay relevant. Instead of wiping tears you’ll be, well you’ll always be wiping their tears but for brand new reasons.
So how do we get back to the romantic idea of being a mother who leads our child to greatness? How do we focus on nurturing and cherishing in the way we dreamed of during those long nine months of focused creation?
Let go, and just love them. When we highlight everything they are doing wrong we lose sight of all they do right. Let them explore themselves and find out what is right for them, which will almost always be starkly different from what’s right for you.
When they’re little and get into some mischief, you will want to holler at them because you’ve used up your last ounce of patience. In that moment remember they have only been on the planet for a few years. We’ve had cars and pets longer than they’ve had a chance to figure it all out. Find your grace, take a deep breath, and just love them. They’re still just little ones.
When they get bigger, let them have the freedom to make stupid decisions. As long as you are willing to catch them when they fall, they will never fall too far. Obviously we always need to continue to guide them, which will ensure they won’t get too far off track, but forcing a direction will push them off the track too.
Remember, we are all here as Souls having a human experience. Experiences can be things like tolerance, forgiveness, patience, loneliness, pridefulness, kindness, honesty, frustration. There are positive and negative experiences to have. Each one must be felt in order to advance up the Spiritual Ladder. Hold that ladder tight for them but let them climb.